It is nearly Presbytery time again, and I am packing like a squirrel storing up for winter. During each of the two previous Presbytery meetings that I attended, I found myself woefully ill-prepared in some measure or other. The first one saw the Great Crash Off My Meds that left me weak and wobbly, struggling helplessly in the kitchen to get the lid off my medication. The second Presbytery caught me without a lunch.
But THIS time ... ah, this time, I am planning like it is a trip across the Sahara. Nothing will catch me off-guard this time. I will have food. I will have medicine. I will have water to take the medicine. I will bring an extra jacket in case it is cold. I will bring a clipboard and pen. I will have my cellphone ... My husband, glancing over my shoulder at the ever-expanding list, informs me that I will also need a camel to carry it all. I write it down on the list: CAMEL. You never know.
My pastor tells me that there may be no need for much packing. "There's not a lot on the agenda," he says. "We may be out early." He says it in a hopeful tone, the same tone that all New Yorkers use to say every autumn that it will doubtless be a mild winter.
"I could file a complaint against you," I suggest helpfully. "That would give Presbytery something to do."
"What complaint?"
"Oh, I don't know, but I'm sure I can think of something fun. Is there anything in your wardrobe that is woven out of two kinds of material? Because, you know, Leviticus 19:19 CLEARLY says ...."
I expect that it would STILL be a short Presbytery, although also a highly amusing one in which every pastor and elder present would be able to go home and say to his respective spouse, "You won't BELIEVE what we had to discuss at Presbytery."
But, alas, we shall have to be content with the current agenda.
Stay tuned. There will be reports, pie charts, pictures ... possibly even a poem. After all, what is Presbytery without The Presbytery Reports?